To build a home
by WitherWings94
Summary: Years have passed and the Golden Trio has gone their own ways. But there is one thing in the past they cannot so easily move on from. Something that brought them together from the beginning. Will Harry forgive himself? And will he ever love again?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, they belong to J.K. Rowling. I also do not own the lyrics I use at the start of each chapter, they belong to The Cinematic Orchestra from their song "To build a home" **

**Author note: I need a beta reader! **

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_There is a house build out of Stone._

Life goes on. And people too. It is in the human nature that we force things we don't want to remember, to the back of our minds. And so the horrors of our past are forgotten. Still, it will be the things that we most treasured once, that cannot ever be forgotten.

How many time had passed since he last left Hogwarts? Harry didn't know. He was numb inside. He still remembers the day Voldemort was defeated like it was yesterday. And the happiness he felt at that moment. It was misplaced happiness, it was more like relief. Knowing that it all wasn't for nothing, but the price was too high, so he was relieved it was over. But he never could, or wanted to do it all over, because there was nothing that could change this. It was set in stone, years ago, even before he was actually born. There was nothing that he could have done to prevent all those people from dying. And that made it even worse. Blaming himself, that was something he could live with. But this..

After Harry defeated Voldemort, he searched for Ron, Hermione and Ginny. It didn't surprise him that they did not participate in the loud cheering and clapping around them. It was weird, seeing people hug, and high-five each other, while all the bodies from the people they loved were a few metres away.

The four of them searched for Fred, and Tonks, and Lupin, and sat beside them. And they cried. Silently. Tears streaming down their faces and the pain in their chests so horrible that they couldn't even let out a whimper.

After a while the other Weasleys joined them, and the Great Hall became a bit more quiet, while other people noticed the family sitting there, they went searching for their own loved ones.

And within ten minutes the Great Hall was dead silent. The only thing you could hear was the silent crying of hundreds of people. It was almost two in the afternoon when Professor McGonagall stepped in front of the remains of the large table at the end of the Great Hall. All eyes focused on her.

And without one word about what just happened, she started to order people to send messages to the hospitals, she ordered Kingsley to inform the Muggle prime minister, and send about 20 people to the Ministry of Magic to get as much help as possible.

You wouldn't think that, after what happened, there was such a thing as going on.

Where were they supposed to go? And when? And how?

Harry was in no way capable of apparating and didn't feel like it either.

Now that he thought of it, he can't remember how they got out of there eventually.

The most logic thing was going with the Weasleys, but Harry couldn't. And Hermione couldn't either. So Harry bought her a house, in the middle of London. He knew she would like it there after a while.

And he bought himself a house too, just north of Cambridge. They explained to Ron how a phone worked one more time and this time he listened carefully. When they felt like it, they would call. But right now they needed time to get themselves somewhat together.

Or die, at that moment neither of them cared.

They lost a part of themselves they would never get back.

Harry only saw Ginny briefly the day he left, she was in her room and sat at her desk, where she looked at old photographs of her family. Harry didn't want to look. He couldn't comfort Ginny. He had no idea how and he didn't want to. He had enough trouble with himself. So she turned around and looked him in the eyes. They held onto each others eyes for a while and then she turned around again.

And Harry left.

The first few weeks he stayed in his apartment. He sat in his chair and watched tv, and he wrote. He wrote letters. To Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Sirius, to Dumbledore, Tonks, Lupin, Dobby, even Hedwig and Snape. To everyone. Some of them were just little notes. And others were full size letters. Filled with things he never got to say. But he never send them. He threw them in the fire after he was done. But the writing helped.

It helped so good that after eight weeks, he called up Hermione and told her to write letters. She understood where he was going and so she began to write too. He didn't call Ron, or Ginny, because he knew they both wouldn't like this way of dealing with problems. But it helped him, and it helped Hermione. So Ron didn't have to know.

Ofcourse the press wanted to know all about the Golden Trio and their victory.

But the Golden Trio didn't want to talk. Later on they found out Mc. Gonagall had explained the whole story to the media. Something they never thought she would do. But Harry thought she didn't want people to think too bad of the main characters.

So he wrote her letters too.

He isolated himself for a year. And then the doorbell rang.

It was Hermione.

Her eyes were hollow, her hair was thin and hung greasily around her shoulders. She was so skinny.

He pulled her inside and locked her into his arms. They slumped against the door and sat on the doormat for an hour before Hermione could finally speak.

"I called my parents to ask if they knew where Crookshanks was." She sobbed into Harry's shoulder.

He was very confused for a moment but Hermione was crying so loudly he just waited for her to explain.

"Harry, I couldn't do it. I couldn't deal with it."

Me neither. He thought. "It's ok." He whispered into her hair.

"Harry, I wrote, just like you said but I did it differently."

"What do you mean Hermione? It's ok if it didn't work, it just worked for me so I thought you might wanted to try it." He said, wiping away some of her tears.

"Harry, you don't understand. I tried to forget what had happened, I created a new reality for myself. I did bad things, Harry." She looked at him in complete anguish.

He scooped her up in his arms and carried her into his living room, where he put her on the couch and sat beside her, still holding her.

"What did you do, Hermione? It's ok."

"I obliviated myself, Harry." She almost chocked on this sentence.

Harry looked at her better, and noticed her arms, they were full of bruises.

He picked up her hand slowly and touched one of the larger ones.

Hermione yanked her hand away in pain.

He didn't need to ask is she did this to herself, because he knew she did.

And there was no way he was ever letting her go home again.

After another panic attack, and a lot of soothing words from Harry, Hermione calmed down enough to tell him exactly what had happened.

Being the extraordinary which she is, Hermione studied the many forms of wiping someone's memory away. And she found out that, except from the overall spell "Obliviate" there were other spells that wiped away only certain memories. But in order to do that, you must catalogue your memories and basically name them to get the spell to work. For example, if you want to erase every memory you have about a certain person, you must simply say the spell and add their name in it.

But Hermione is smart, so she created some kind of barrier in her mind, so that if something should go wrong, she could retrieve the memories. Remember what I said about pushing memories to the back of your mind? That's exactly what Hermione did. She made sure that the memories wouldn't be triggered by the sound of someone's name or anything.

She did this very subtle at first, and so she wiped away memory after memory, while never having to deal with them. Making her believe that she was going back to Hogwarts in September for her fifth year. But because she worked part time in a coffee shop in London (she thought a job would be good to clear her mind, and the smell of coffee calmed her down), she was obligated to move out of her parents home earlier.

She was almost done packing and was ready to go to King's Cross, when she noticed Crookshanks was missing. She tried everything and vaguely remembered something about him being with her parents. So she called them. But ofcourse they didn't recognize her. And that did it, that triggered every memory she had so carefully pushed away. And so she broke down and had come here, to him, the only one that would understand.

After she finished talking, Harry simply nodded, pushed himself aside of Hermione and held her until she fell asleep.

From that moment on they lived together, but still separated. Harry helped Hermione with dealing with her memories and he tried to keep herself from doing bad things, so to speak. But they did everything on their own for a while. Their friendship would never be the same again, although the roots were still there, so they started over and after a while they really started living together.

Ron didn't know.

Untill he also decided to show up at Harry's door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author note: I would really appreciate it if you would leave a review! **

**Author note 2: I also kind of need a beta reader. Someone help me out?**

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_Wooden floors, walls and windows sills._

Once Harry had opened the door, Ron looked up at Harry and said: "Hermione's missing."

It bothered Harry a bit that he only came here for Hermione so he answered: "She's here." And turned around to walk back to the living room. Ron didn't follow. So Harry stopped and turned around again. "You coming?" He asked. Ron looked at the ground. "I just wanted to know if she's ok. I'll go now." He started to back away to the door but Harry walked towards him and reached out to lock the door. Then he grabbed Ron by the arms and forced him to look up. "She's not okay, Ron. She's needs you. If you leave now I will make sure you never get to see her again." He almost spit the last words in his old friends' face. He felt the anger build up in his chest. It was ridiculous. He shouldn't have been the one to take care of Hermione. Ron took that upon him years ago, but he never called, or sent letters. Yes, he and Hermione didn't tell him what happened, but they were alone, and Ron had his family.

The redhead nodded. Harry let go of him and pushed him towards the living room. He had no idea what was going to happen. He knew Hermione was angry at Ron. But he didn't know how bad it was because she always said she had worse things to care about right now. And that was true. So how would she respond to him? Maybe he should stay here and let Ron go in alone. But then he remembered how Hermione punched Draco Malfoy in the face in their third year and decided it was safer to go with Ron.

Hermione was on the couch, reading a book. Her feet tucked under the pillow on the other side. Ron hesitated for a moment but then knocked on the wooden door separating the hall from the living room.

Hermione looked up and something changed in her eyes. Harry always noticed how Hermione's eyes seemed to light up when he entered the room. Like he was the one that made sure everything was alright, for her. Right now, her eyes did the same, but her body responded to it.

She dropped the book and lifted her arms slightly, like a baby waiting for his mother to pick him up.

Ron reached out and took her small, fragile hands in his and she pulled him to the ground. They locked in a silent embrace and just sat there. Harry decided everything was safe and that he should probably leave. But there was something in the sight of Ron and Hermione sitting there, that made him sit down in his chair and watch.

He realised that although everything was different, they shared the same life. And it was unhealthy for them to be apart.

By the time Harry had made dinner for the three of them, Ron had sat down on the other end of the couch, holding Hermione's hand and stroking it. They had talked all afternoon, and it didn't seem like they were ever going to let go of one another.

When Harry asked them to join him for dinner, Ron looked up at him for the first time again and his ears turned red. It was such a familiar thing that it made Harry smile a little.

"Thanks mate." He said. "Anytime." Harry answered and he knew that was it. They were good.

And from that moment on, Ron lived with them too.

And things started to change a lot with him being there.

Ron was used to a magical life, not a muggle life. And so Harry and Hermione got out their wands again. They were dusty, that's how long they hadn't used them. They did everything by hand, and maybe that was also part of the reason why Harry and Hermione seemed to have more trouble dealing with the past than Ron had. They had a life they could return to before the war. A simple life, a muggle life. While Ron was forced to live in the magical world, with his father working at the ministry, he was confronted with the war every day. He had no choice other than trying to live with it.

And for the first time, Harry and Hermione felt guilty for being so angry with Ron.

"It's not that bad, though." He told them one day. "People are trying to live on, you should see what they did to the ministry. Everything is a lot easier now."

They hadn't thought of it that way. But it should be nice. All the shops in Diagon Alley opening again, people finding work at the ministry. So they asked Ron all about what happened after they got home.

But they did not once mention Fred, or any of the others. And they never named Hogwarts.

After a few weeks Hermione asked Ron how his mother was. Because they were a little bit worried that Ron just showed up by himself, left everything behind and started living with them. "She's holding up really well. I told her I was going to live with Harry, she was okay with that."

Harry looked at Ron in surprise and felt guilty again. Ofcourse Ron cared about him, of course Ron worried about him. And of course he knew he needed him. Harry didn't know what to say so he nodded at Ron. "Ginny told me to go." Those five words struck Harry like lightening.

He wasn't surprised that Ginny encouraged Ron to look after him. But he was surprised by his own reaction to hearing her name.

He started hyperventilating and ran out of the room, upstairs, and locked himself into the bathroom, where he threw up in the sink.

"He had to know." Ron had told Hermione. And she had nodded in agreement.

In the following days, Ginny wasn't mentioned anymore. Until one day, Harry came home from grocery shopping and heard Ron talking in the kitchen. Hermione was in the living room so he asked her who he was talking to. It was Molly, so Harry stepped into the kitchen, nodded at Ron and started unpacking the groceries. Ron seemed a little uneasy and Harry found out why pretty soon.

"Why won't she see a healer then?" He heard him ask and he started listening more carefully.

"I get that but.." Molly seemed to be upset and Ron was trying to get a word in between her sentences but failed a few times before he raised his voice.

"Listen mom. It's her way of dealing with loss.. No, let me finish. It's her way of dealing with loss, but it's been two years. She needs help. Look at what happened to Hermione.. I.."

He could hear Mrs. Weasley's voice through the phone, and although he couldn't hear exactly what she said, he knew she was crying.

"Listen mum! Fred is dead! He's never coming back! She can't keep talking to George like he is Fred and she can't keep pretending he's alive!" Ron started shouting and Harry gave up on the groceries and put his palms on the counter.

Ron kept yelling and Mrs Weasley yelled even harder, so Ron stopped yelling and now only Mrs. Weasley was shouting. After a while she became quiet.

"I know she needs him." Ron said quietly and Harry looked up at him for the first time. He could see the struggle in his eyes. And he knew what was coming. He wanted to make a run for it but that wouldn't be right.

"Ok, I'll try. I'll see you soon." Ron said, not taking his eyes of off Harry's.

He hung up and took a few deep breaths.

"She needs to see you're alive." He just blurted out.

"Ron, I can't.." Harry started but he got cut off.

"Listen. You are the only one that can make a difference in my sisters life right now. If you don't do it, I will take her to the hospital and they will keep her there. Can you live with that?"

Ron was doing the same thing to Harry as he did to him. He tried to persuade Harry, and it was working.

Because although he hated Ron right now, he was right. They hadn't seen each other since the war, and Ginny was also a part of him that he had to learn how to live with.

"Pack your things, we're leaving tomorrow." Ron had said and went upstairs, Hermione following stood there for a while and then went to pack his suitcase.


End file.
